I turned around the label and put on my glasses to read the ingredients written in fine print:
10% Chuck Norris - my childhood hero.
20% of each Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jan-Claude Van Damme - immigrants who made it in America. They total 40%.
20% is shared between Sylvester Stallone, Charles Bronson and Bruce Willis.
10% to other movie heroes such “Madmartigan from “Willow.”
19% distributed between my father, mother, communist Bulgaria and schooling.
This story starts sometime in the mid 80s. Communist Bulgaria. The first action movie I ever watched starred Chuck Norris. I clearly remember the Black Sea resort, the cabaret, the prized glass coca cola bottles, the dancing and the steps leading to the underground bar. I must have been seven or eight. It’s 2AM. My eyes sting from cigarette smoke. The T.V. set, the size of a small box, the bootlegged VHS tape pops in. Lights! Camera! Action hero Bogdan is born!
Since a little kid Bogdan is saving the world, women and children. He is an introvert. He lives in solitude even though he is married and has friends. He is always on high alert. He sleeps light. Danger lurks from around every corner and every corner is out to get him.
He can silence his foes by sheer will and hard work alone. His discipline is like a dog. It loves him unconditionally and obeys without questions. In his loyalty he is better than even a dog. Because, unlike a dog, he can go physically and mentally hungry for the glory of his ideals.
But if you were to ask his enemies, they would tell you Bogdan is his own enemy. His ambition holds him hostage. His goals hold him at gunpoint. His way or the highway, they will say. His superior mind picks losers in a world where there are no losers and winners. Just people.
Of course, in order for Bogdan to avoid failure, he will find fault in everyone and everything. In order for him to save the world, he must look for the ugliness in it first. He lives comparing the past to the present, in order to always be a step ahead of the future. He loves with conditions and thus keeps the people he loves safe. He lives in the abstract, reenforcing his self-image as an outcast.
No wonder Bogdan is writing his first novel “Long Nights Moon” since 2010. What a burden to write a novel that must save all the children in the world who read it. How can Jan-Claude and Arnold write a children’s novel? With Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, Charles Bronson and Bruce Willis as editors!
The above essay was inspired by an assignment from a ten week seminar following the Landmark Forum.
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Last week I enrolled for the “Healing Trauma with Self-Compassion” online seminar in March. I recently read two books by Dr. Gabor Maté and can’t wait to meet him! There might be open spots still left.